Aloha Sunday (again).. Well, after a hectic week finally comes the day to relax.. you know, Forgot about the work or anything else that bothered you all this week. have a good quality time with your loved people. For me, waking up late on Sunday is truly a blessing.. (over) but seriously.. it used to means nothing to me, but now after I work, it means a lot to have a freaking lazy Sunday.. just staying on the bed longer than any other days :)
Anyway, I actually tend to have more productive Sunday, But in 7 days I only have 1 day free.. So it got me thinking, If I fill all days with activities I would be insanely tired everyday, but at the same time it could be fun too. Well let see what can I do about it.
Today 29th April 2012, I would like to wish My dear friend who I haven't meet her again since... I don't even remember, and that's explain how long it could be A HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY !!! wish you all the best and have bless one dear.. I miss you, and I hope someday we could meet again. :)
This picture was taken on Decemeber 2009 (as i remember)
I thought there would be some new things or changes at this period of time, but well, nothing quite change .. I am still a girl who loves someone who I don't really understand if he truly feel the same way. the fact that once he already brought me to the very down stage first time in my history of relationship. Then, same job same problem. The hardest time is when heart didn't go along together very well with what we did in reality. It's crazily irritating, and when we caught in between of responsibility and wants, seems like there's no place to turn unless we really have a guts to jump and have a free fall afterward.
well that place truly thought me lessons in life, first of all, we need to admit that there would be someone or some people who could be more powerful than us. there always be a winner and sometimes it takes everything no matter what to be a winner. It told me how it feels to be unappreciated after what you've done. It told me how hurt t is to be left out or to be the second thoughts. The most important thing, it told me how to appreciate whatever you have even though it doesn't seems close to what you expect.
Eventually, That's life.. things always go unfair if we see with the bare eyes, yet if we see more deep that's actually the balance. that's what fair actually means..words are easy to create and deliver but action is much more important. I always have a thoughts to show myself out of the ring but it seems very hard to me, and until now I still can't figure it out. finding our inner needs a long process and patience. that's what I know.
Anyway, this song is actually delivering all message that I want to tell to someone that I've been writing about. hmm I post it here with a wish that someday somehow, he'll read it and understand.. yaknow.. people said, in every girls favorite songs is actually untold message. So it apply here.. :)
above all, is another messy messy piece. again I tell you, I just wanna right and share my thought. that's it!
It's been quite awhile since I've been posting... the real things getting crazier day by day.. so I don't really have time to come here and write.. Honestly, I have no idea what to write right now.. I just type :D .. So it might get seriously messy and pointless.. hehe :P
Well, It's February already! how insanely fast is that?! January was, tough... busy... nerve racking... and it's been quite "fire up" .. at least there's something happening! Thank GOD! .. owwkeeyy! I really don't have any inspirational story at the moment.. Because I've been such a workaholic.. and trying to put aside the shit that actually happened and surprisingly still going on.. pheew*
February.. wow oh wow! first day of February I got a good news but at the same time a bad news too.. and I just hope I could handle everything well, because those people already given a big hope and trust to me to make something better.. it's even tougher than i thought.. pressure? definitely!! But challenge is there not to make us give up, but to make us stand to nailed it.. in the name of GOD I trust and believe there's nothing impossible in this world, as long as we keep trying and be in a good way..
And for that one person who constantly on my mind.. I wish he could understand me without me even saying anything.. I refuse to confront him, because I'm tired of fighting, tired of listening to these people who somehow or always have different thoughts about him, tired of holding back the feelings towards him.. just simply tired!.. I hate lying to myself, and tell people,.. "I'm Fine" when I am totally not fine, I sometimes feel so intimidate by my own smile.. I'm really tired faking my smile everyday.. The thing that really hunting me down is that I AM REALLY FUCKING MISS HIM!! even I get to see him everyday.. but that's not what I mean.. I miss all the moment we shared! the laugh, the smile, inside jokes, most importantly THE HUGS!! I deathly miss his hugs!
Anyways... Have a gooooood February ahead! always aim for better !!
We are now in 2012.. you see how time flies so fast.. I felt like it was only yesterday I celebrate a new year and suddenly, another celebration for the same thing.. But this year, I didn't really celebrate it like I did last year, I truly spend the night like we supposed to do (in my opinion anyway).. I was only lying down in my bed.. and mused about what did happen and what do i need to do in the next up coming year.. and I guess that's more productive new year eve compare to my last 3 years new year eve lol!
2011 really got me a lesson.. there's some up and down moments where now its my kind of mirror to be a better person.. I should say, there's nothing wrong looking back to what we had.. if we can turned the regret to some advise that no body could give or even understand.. I could say, my 2011 is damn happening! I'm actually glad.. all the things that i thought it will never happen to me, happened.. even the bitter one :) So yah Thanks a lot for the whole amazing experience !!
and now 2012 it's still the beginning of the year.. I actually didn't really come up with resolutions.. I just want to find out the mystery of life step by step and by surprise.. I guess that would prevent us from a major disappointment.. simply, I just want to be better, I didn't expect me to change a lot but at least there have to be a change in me even only a tiny one..
overall.. I just want to wish each everyone of you a very good year a head..
ps: Sorry Feedah, you got a little bit cut hehe xx :P
a "hello" from someone could turn your day just like that! how weird is that?.. Sometimes I wonder, why a person could have that super power to turned our day from soo bad day to daaamn good day only by doing little thing or a little smile ... :) but who cares about the answer, let it happen, it's a good thing anyway.. and all the poeple who live in this earth own that magic,. I am sure!
So guys, lets put the best smile of us ... maybe we can turned someone's day become more meaningful ;) because smile will make us 1000 times looks beutiful ... than ever ..
I spend my 3 days holiday to think and learn about what's actually going on with me and this whole "broken heart" situation.. and I eventually got conclusion that, sometimes in life shit happened, you can't expect good sweet beautiful things happen to you everytime. sturggling is part of our life. Problem is there to teach us how to be more wise, and it's also a part of the process for being mature. and GOD will never give us a trouble that we can't handle. So don't stray keep the faith and face the cruel truth, that's what we need to do.
Even it hurts like hell, I simply gotta do it. I have to accept the fact that He won't be 'there' again.. Sometimes I miss all the moments. the only thing I can do is remember and smile along with it.. but at least from him I could feel how daunt it is to be left out without any explanation, how dissapointed it is to put a hope and suddenly it crash just like that.. so in the future I would be more careful with my heart and will never do that to another pereson, because I swear I rather be sick and hospitalized with an infusion in my hand rather than feeling this way..
But overall, I don't hate him.. it's just something I can't do.. He means a lot to me and unfortunately he didn't get that point.. and yah! maybe I failed to show that to him in those period of time we had..
"Nevermind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you two... " - adele
Talk is easy, put all your words to action, yeah, there comes the trouble.. when we talk we are like, wishing and hoping and dreaming... and action is the reality.. so when it comes to reality you know how freaky is that... No joke, it's really really intimidating..
