It's been awhile since I came here to write about my life and thoughts. I just got a time to actually read back what I used to write and flatter here. It's quite surprising me though. I just realized that basically this blog is all about that one person and it has been him since. Well guess what! He still around and he will always be around. I guess that's what I somehow called faith. I don't know, I just could not expect for more. I think this is what people been talking about, unexpected lovewill be the most meaningful one. Well he's the person who had hurted me while ago and he is also the person who loved me like no other man ever does. It's truly a ride and historical. Ironic but what I have now and what we are now it's really worth the pain. I hope it will continue to blossom in good way until destiny called us to be one!
Sometimes we need a time to flashback about all the things that happened to us. It's somehow a good thing though. We could "measure" where we stand now in life, how far we have been running, and how actually strong we are to survive, and struggling with all the dramas and stories in this life. Experienced that we have gained, the people we have met. Some still remain some are perhaps gone.
We couldn't deny time. It always goes on, so does our life. And in life we sure have a path and in the path of course we are going to meet a lot of things and the most importantly people. Good or bad we are going to passed it. Those who has a great strength will survive. Those who don't will be easily fall apart.
All the decision you make in life will surely impact to our future. That's what makes your life different. That is why wise person always said " you decide, you face it, you deal with it, not others. Life isn't a choice but you choose which way you are going to lead your life.
That's why always served a place for "change" because he is the most outgoing thing ever. He could appear anytime anywhere.but still need a time to fit in. However sometime it is good to have a change in something of course to be better. Even a little.
You may hope for something as far as you want it.. But please make sure you still save some space for disappointment.. Because when you don't have it, it will kills you!
Times fly so fast. It's another New year. It means, another hope, another dream, another achievement and another change.. for good of course.
2012- It has been such a year for me. it contains dirty little secret of me. I experienced something i never had. it such a truly ride for me.
My wishes on 2013 aren't that much. Again, every year I always say i wanna be a better person well everyone does. I just want to have some change in my life. I just need more guts to step in further to pursue my dreams. and for that one person, i just hope we could find out what is actually our destiny and i hope we could face whatever will come through us.
And Finally, I just want to wish you all a very prosperous 2013, hope that you could make your dream come true.
When we are talking about destiny, we will never get to the end. People could have plan or simply list to do for their future whilst actually it has been written. Our life is a mystery that we need to figure out. Everything that had been happen are just some of the secrets which has been revealed. Human are GOD's perfect creature among the rest of living creatures in this world. HE gave us brain who can think logically and balance it with feeling who will support the thoughts. Scent of Love, that other living creatures don't have. whilst love itself could inspire many people in many different ways. We should be thankful, and appreciate whatever we have. We should use everything we have to reach our destiny to reveal the secret of our life. People we met and meet are actually our destiny as well. Never regret those bad memories, and embraced all the good ones.. But don't let destiny stop you from trying and Never wait them to be happen, make it happen instead. GOD actually gave us a will to change our destiny, and if it is good for us in the end HE will certainly approve it in HIS way.
Bonjour, Bonsoir...Je vous souhiate à tous une bonne vie. :)
well, I don't know whether it's because I'm too busy with my life or it's just my life is getting bored day by day so I have nothing to share or write about... (?) hmmm... I myself couldn't answer that. so Let's just ignore.
To be honest, I saw a lot of people nearby me are making their decision to end their "lonely" days with their love ones or can we say the "chosen one" (?) or the ONE (?).. It feels so affected when you witnessed a story end with happiness even though it doesn't mean END of the story.. it still going on. but at least you know, who is the winner of all this "game" that have been played. I wonder how it feels to finally make that decision.. to eventually say "yes, He/She is the one I chose". It does really bother my mind right now. It makes me wonder, How if the one we want to be the last is not the same person like HE wrote for us? the fact that it could be happened actually scared me. Left me with a question. Is it real ? you can love someone else while you living together with another person?... is it real? you can love someone without having an intention to have them?.. and Could it be real? true love who never leave His/Her love and remain themselves alone until the end of the day ? Apparently, I do have a role model for that. Literally I have been living with the "evidence". I don't really know exactly the reason why she remain herself alone. Never know as well if She ever fell in love with someone or not. But yes, She is alone with no partner. Perhaps we never think about being all alone for the rest of our life, we always dream about having a little family. but who knows what comes after.
Anyway... let the mystery solve by the time. We will know in the end though. Now what we need to do is just living, dealing, observing, and learning with what ever comes through us. For sure in the end its all gonna be worth the pain, the tears, the smile, the happiness. it's just a matter of time. All we need to do now is be more patience and keep our faith about it. Although we are actually the one who decide when is the right time, but there's no need to rush... think wisely, because this decision making is only happening once in our life time, I supposed.
I know I haven't been updated this Blog for quite long already. Because I am insanely busy with works and others. There are a lot of happening things happened to be honest. And yah There are many things to share but I just have no idea how to put all of them in words.
Anyway, Just find out this song by Maroon 5.. it's pretty much represent what actually happen here.
Annnndd enough for today ... I will prepare some quality piece to be written here soon..
Aloha Sunday (again).. Well, after a hectic week finally comes the day to relax.. you know, Forgot about the work or anything else that bothered you all this week. have a good quality time with your loved people. For me, waking up late on Sunday is truly a blessing.. (over) but seriously.. it used to means nothing to me, but now after I work, it means a lot to have a freaking lazy Sunday.. just staying on the bed longer than any other days :)
Anyway, I actually tend to have more productive Sunday, But in 7 days I only have 1 day free.. So it got me thinking, If I fill all days with activities I would be insanely tired everyday, but at the same time it could be fun too. Well let see what can I do about it.
Today 29th April 2012, I would like to wish My dear friend who I haven't meet her again since... I don't even remember, and that's explain how long it could be A HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY !!! wish you all the best and have bless one dear.. I miss you, and I hope someday we could meet again. :)
This picture was taken on Decemeber 2009 (as i remember)
I thought there would be some new things or changes at this period of time, but well, nothing quite change .. I am still a girl who loves someone who I don't really understand if he truly feel the same way. the fact that once he already brought me to the very down stage first time in my history of relationship. Then, same job same problem. The hardest time is when heart didn't go along together very well with what we did in reality. It's crazily irritating, and when we caught in between of responsibility and wants, seems like there's no place to turn unless we really have a guts to jump and have a free fall afterward.
well that place truly thought me lessons in life, first of all, we need to admit that there would be someone or some people who could be more powerful than us. there always be a winner and sometimes it takes everything no matter what to be a winner. It told me how it feels to be unappreciated after what you've done. It told me how hurt t is to be left out or to be the second thoughts. The most important thing, it told me how to appreciate whatever you have even though it doesn't seems close to what you expect.
Eventually, That's life.. things always go unfair if we see with the bare eyes, yet if we see more deep that's actually the balance. that's what fair actually means..words are easy to create and deliver but action is much more important. I always have a thoughts to show myself out of the ring but it seems very hard to me, and until now I still can't figure it out. finding our inner needs a long process and patience. that's what I know.
Anyway, this song is actually delivering all message that I want to tell to someone that I've been writing about. hmm I post it here with a wish that someday somehow, he'll read it and understand.. yaknow.. people said, in every girls favorite songs is actually untold message. So it apply here.. :)
above all, is another messy messy piece. again I tell you, I just wanna right and share my thought. that's it!
It's been quite awhile since I've been posting... the real things getting crazier day by day.. so I don't really have time to come here and write.. Honestly, I have no idea what to write right now.. I just type :D .. So it might get seriously messy and pointless.. hehe :P
Well, It's February already! how insanely fast is that?! January was, tough... busy... nerve racking... and it's been quite "fire up" .. at least there's something happening! Thank GOD! .. owwkeeyy! I really don't have any inspirational story at the moment.. Because I've been such a workaholic.. and trying to put aside the shit that actually happened and surprisingly still going on.. pheew*
February.. wow oh wow! first day of February I got a good news but at the same time a bad news too.. and I just hope I could handle everything well, because those people already given a big hope and trust to me to make something better.. it's even tougher than i thought.. pressure? definitely!! But challenge is there not to make us give up, but to make us stand to nailed it.. in the name of GOD I trust and believe there's nothing impossible in this world, as long as we keep trying and be in a good way..
And for that one person who constantly on my mind.. I wish he could understand me without me even saying anything.. I refuse to confront him, because I'm tired of fighting, tired of listening to these people who somehow or always have different thoughts about him, tired of holding back the feelings towards him.. just simply tired!.. I hate lying to myself, and tell people,.. "I'm Fine" when I am totally not fine, I sometimes feel so intimidate by my own smile.. I'm really tired faking my smile everyday.. The thing that really hunting me down is that I AM REALLY FUCKING MISS HIM!! even I get to see him everyday.. but that's not what I mean.. I miss all the moment we shared! the laugh, the smile, inside jokes, most importantly THE HUGS!! I deathly miss his hugs!
Anyways... Have a gooooood February ahead! always aim for better !!
We are now in 2012.. you see how time flies so fast.. I felt like it was only yesterday I celebrate a new year and suddenly, another celebration for the same thing.. But this year, I didn't really celebrate it like I did last year, I truly spend the night like we supposed to do (in my opinion anyway).. I was only lying down in my bed.. and mused about what did happen and what do i need to do in the next up coming year.. and I guess that's more productive new year eve compare to my last 3 years new year eve lol!
2011 really got me a lesson.. there's some up and down moments where now its my kind of mirror to be a better person.. I should say, there's nothing wrong looking back to what we had.. if we can turned the regret to some advise that no body could give or even understand.. I could say, my 2011 is damn happening! I'm actually glad.. all the things that i thought it will never happen to me, happened.. even the bitter one :) So yah Thanks a lot for the whole amazing experience !!
and now 2012 it's still the beginning of the year.. I actually didn't really come up with resolutions.. I just want to find out the mystery of life step by step and by surprise.. I guess that would prevent us from a major disappointment.. simply, I just want to be better, I didn't expect me to change a lot but at least there have to be a change in me even only a tiny one..
overall.. I just want to wish each everyone of you a very good year a head..
ps: Sorry Feedah, you got a little bit cut hehe xx :P
a "hello" from someone could turn your day just like that! how weird is that?.. Sometimes I wonder, why a person could have that super power to turned our day from soo bad day to daaamn good day only by doing little thing or a little smile ... :) but who cares about the answer, let it happen, it's a good thing anyway.. and all the poeple who live in this earth own that magic,. I am sure!
So guys, lets put the best smile of us ... maybe we can turned someone's day become more meaningful ;) because smile will make us 1000 times looks beutiful ... than ever ..
I spend my 3 days holiday to think and learn about what's actually going on with me and this whole "broken heart" situation.. and I eventually got conclusion that, sometimes in life shit happened, you can't expect good sweet beautiful things happen to you everytime. sturggling is part of our life. Problem is there to teach us how to be more wise, and it's also a part of the process for being mature. and GOD will never give us a trouble that we can't handle. So don't stray keep the faith and face the cruel truth, that's what we need to do.
Even it hurts like hell, I simply gotta do it. I have to accept the fact that He won't be 'there' again.. Sometimes I miss all the moments. the only thing I can do is remember and smile along with it.. but at least from him I could feel how daunt it is to be left out without any explanation, how dissapointed it is to put a hope and suddenly it crash just like that.. so in the future I would be more careful with my heart and will never do that to another pereson, because I swear I rather be sick and hospitalized with an infusion in my hand rather than feeling this way..
But overall, I don't hate him.. it's just something I can't do.. He means a lot to me and unfortunately he didn't get that point.. and yah! maybe I failed to show that to him in those period of time we had..
"Nevermind, I'll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you two... " - adele
Talk is easy, put all your words to action, yeah, there comes the trouble.. when we talk we are like, wishing and hoping and dreaming... and action is the reality.. so when it comes to reality you know how freaky is that... No joke, it's really really intimidating..
Today, here in Indonesia .. we're celebrating Mother's day..
and I just wanna wish all of mothers a very sepcial Happy Mothers Day..
Especially to My Mommy, Thanks a lot.. words wouldn't even enough to say how grateful I am to be your Daugther... and I'm sorry If I still couldn't be a daugther you've been dreaming of along your life.. but to be honest, deep inside here.. I always want to make you happy and will never let any tears down again from your eyes..
Sometimes in life, unexpected thing happen... that surprise you, and perhaps left you a big question mark in your head.. you can't control whatever comes toward you.. people always said you need to plan and manage your future. and we did, but who knows what comes after? No body!
And one thing I know for sure that no body can control or even plan for it.. "Fall in love" .. yah! sometimes I feel tired talk about this feeling but it seems like it didn't get any less..
I told myself to just be careful and stay as safe as possible from this kind of situation,, but what happen? I couldn't ... never plan, never notice.. just happen! well yeah.. sometimes you just need to admit.. that you can't help it! when you look at someone and realize that that person is actually the best thing that ever happen in your life..
at first place, I am not so sure that I could actually passed this moment.. I even about to drop out and break down.. But then, I am glad and nothing I could ask more than, "a mother words".. My Mother told me how to be a whole-hearted.. She told me, everything happens for reason, and if it's meant to be it will be.. :) relieve? yesss! and now, one of the people who believe that "you don't have to own that person to love and to care" is me.. :) ... hmm however, still deep inside here....
I regret what's happening now.. I never thought I would be in this kind of situation.. I was meant to stay as far as possible for getting myself into this .. but now. looked what you've done to me.. I really hate when people around us didn't know how much it meant to me, and how cruel you are to me.. I've been twisting my mind, think what did I do wrong? I want to put all the blame on you, but my heart's always telling me "it's not fair to do so" ... I hate that apparently you are the one who's comming to me, you're the one who start it... you took my heart in your hand, playing with it, and now scattered it on the ground..
why the hell TRUTH is always ugly?? always hurt? always intimidating?
TRUTH is a postivre thing, then why it has a very ridiculous bad effect..
sometimes it makes people cry sometimes it cuts people heart into pieces without any cureness for it.. I mean, isn't truth suppose to have a good side effect? .... well people said in the end yess.. but before it comes, yaah we need to deal with those creepy day, those creepy night,.. so yah
